- If possible, both adults should talk to the child or child(ren) at the same time. This can help reassure them. Ideally, agree with the other parent beforehand what you each will say.
- Have the chat somewhere that is familiar to the child and where they feel comfortable. Make sure you will not be interrupted and there is space for everyone to sit comfortably.
- Make sure everyone can devote lots of time to the conversation, so the child doesn’t feel rushed and can ask as many questions as they want.
- Use language that is appropriate for your child’s age and maturity. Be as honest as you can be, but don’t give them unnecessary information such as money worries or information about one parent having an affair.
- Tell them the separation is not their fault and there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. Help them understand the separation is not their responsibility.
- Give them lots of love and affection. Explain the separation does not change how either of you feel about them.
- Help them to identify their emotions and let them express how they feel without judgement. Let them react honestly and tell them that whatever they are feeling is okay.
- Answer their questions as best you can. Encourage them to ask you more questions in the future if they need.
- Let them know that they can talk to you again if they want to.
- Don't be afraid to say you don't know the answer to something. To reassure your child you could tell them that you will find out, or that you will tell them when you know the answer.
- Tell them about any practical changes. For example, one parent moving out. Give them as much information about these changes as is appropriate for their age, for example where the parent is moving to and when.
- Don’t criticise or blame the other parent. Try and present a united front as this will reassure your child.
- If you anticipate a challenging reaction or if your child is struggling to cope, consider involving a professional, such as a child psychologist, to provide additional support.
- Check in with your child again over the following days, weeks and months. Their feelings may develop or change over time and they may need reassurance from you that this is okay.
